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Aunt Aggie is an expert in Psychology, Medicine, Relationships, and Knitting. The Internet's most down-to-earth agony aunt will lovingly give you free advice on any subject! Please use the menu above to navigate around Aunt Aggie's website, or view below to read this week's letters!

“Here are this weeks letters...”

LADY IN DISTRESS

"I am a lady of considerable wealth having been forced into living in one of those dreadful old peoples homes full of lower class imbeciles! I am absolutely disgusted by the smell from certain invalids who make me want to vomit! The peculiar thing is how everyone appears to be resigned to these terrible conditions and just ignore me when I talk about the situation. What can be done about it?" - From Lady Heighton-Smythe

Loving Aunt Aggie says - You poor thing. You have my heartfelt sympathy. I've heard just how smelly those places can be, so I suggest you dip a handkerchief in some cologne and wear it over your nose and mouth, not forgetting to remove it at meal times of course.

However, perhaps you are more aware of the problem than others because the smell is nearer than you care to admit. Try being honest with yourself dear! Isn't it a fact that people not only ignore you - but avoid you altogether?

Therefore why not ask the manager of the Home for an honest opinion, as at your time of life it should come as no surprise to learn that it is you yourself who is more than contributing to the overall pong in the Home. In fact they must be really nice people not to have pointed out your lack of hygiene before now, so you shouldn't feel embarrassed about approaching them as they will be quite used to having to deal with smelly old people like yourself.

WET PANTS

"Whenever I am out shopping I have to rush home for the toilet. It's embarrassing. I'm only 55. What do you suggest?"—from Desperate Dilly

Loving Aunt Aggie says - I sympathise. Many people your age get caught short , and it's a question of knowing how long to be out and about. Try not going too far from home or if visiting a strange town make sure you have a map of all the local toilets in the area.

Alternatively you could use incontinence pads, but I suspect you've already tried these unsuccessfully and that your friends and family stay away from you for the smell, in which case there's not a lot you can do except stay in the house next to the toilet bowl and keep a bucket of disinfectant and a mop handy.

Hopefully the neighbours might get used to the smell emitting from your house and not complain for some time to the Environmental Health Department, who incidentally are authorized to alert other authorities such as Social Services to have you forcefully removed from your home and put in suitable alternative accommodation where you will have to spend the rest of your days being looked after by qualified staff until the funeral undertaker arrives.

SMOKING MENACE

"I am concerned that my boss insists on smoking around me all day long, especially since it's common knowledge that passive smoking is dangerous. He ignores my complaints that my hair and clothes smell of his smoke. How can I get him to stop this filthy habit?" - From Josephine, age 46

Loving Aunt Aggie says - I am amazed how in this day and age people can still be so selfish as to inflict their smoking habits on other people. Obviously he has no consideration for anyone but himself.

However, I suspect this obsessive smoking behaviour may be an act he's thought up deliberately just to annoy you. Perhaps you haven't been getting along too well recently, or maybe he simply realises you are getting on a bit and fancies a younger replacement. Therefore I think you should seriously consider whether you want to continue working at your present place of employment.Of course you could only end up with another job where someone else finds your "achilees heel" and also uses it to get you to resign.

Therefore why not take the only sensible option and resort to smoking yourself? After all you at your age will be lucky to find another job, and the health risks aren't too important since you probably don't have much longer to live anyway.

NEGLECTED WIFE

"I feel neglected because my husband is out working all day in an office and never wants to take me anywhere when he gets home. He only wants to sit in front of the TV" - From Neglected

Loving Aunt Aggie says - It's terrible the way men treat their women folk. Perhaps he has a lot to put up with at work and is too exhausted to make any effort when he gets home?

However, it is a fact that many wives are just too plain and undesirable for their husbands to give much thought to after a hectic day chasing their secretaries around.

Were you always this unattractive I wonder or were you better looking in your youth? Face up to the fact woman that he probably only married you to look after his house which I'll bet is mortgaged in his name only.

Since you have obviously lost all your sex appeal I suggest that you don't offend him any further by quietly sitting with a paper bag over your head so as not to distract him from watching his TV.

MESSY FAMILY

"My husband and kids are always leaving the house in a mess. Please help."—from Unhappy

Loving Aunt Aggie says - Obviously they are treating you like a doormat and you should have made them realise you are a normal human being not a carthorse. I do sympathise but wonder why you have allowed this to go on for so long? Can it be some underlying problem which is usually because of being overweight and/or unattractive?

However, don't despair because you can seek free psychiatric help. After all you may not be as ugly as they think you are. And I shouldn't worry TOO much about your husband running off with a more attractive and younger woman which only happens in 9 cases out of 10.

You may be one of the lucky ones whose husband will stand by her through thick and thin, though I doubt it from what you tell me in your letter. When your husband does leave you, you can always join weight-watchers and then when you regain your figure it might still be possible to meet someone else who isn't put off by your unattractiveness.

Though I doubt it at your age.

NOT THE SPORTY TYPE!

"I'm going to basketball and I hate it! Please tell me some excuses so I can't go. Thank you very much." - from Max (aged under 18)

Loving Aunt Aggie says - What a nice polite young man you are Max and I'm so sorry to learn you don't like basketball, which presumably someone is forcing you to do. I understand just how you feel. I was young once.

You are obviously feeling guilty about letting your team down as your heart is not in the game, which leaves me wondering why it is that you are such a wimp? Is it just basketball you dislike or does it apply to all sport? Perhaps you would be better suited with ballet lessons or with some other girly pursuit?

Under the circumstances a sex change may be your only course of action. See a Doctor without delay.

BOOB JOB

"I want a breast reduction at a private clinic but my boyfriend is worried in case something goes wrong and is threatening to leave me" - From Gwen, aged 36.

Loving Aunt Aggie says - How selfish and inconsiderate of him! You should be allowed to make your own decision on such a personal matter.

However, since cosmetic surgery is a serious step and your boyfriend might simply be concerned for your welfare, it's just possible that he's jealous in case you suddenly become attractive and have other male admirers.

Therefore, I can't help wondering what your real reasons are for wanting to undergo such radical surgery? Is it because you are attracted to someone younger and are making a last desperate attempt at clinging on to the few looks you have left at your age? If so, bear in mind that even after all the expense and trauma of this type of operation, you'll still be so fat and ugly that the person you want to attract remains disinterested in you. After all, at 36 you're practically "over the hill"!

Since your boyfriend has my fullest sympathy, I shall be writing to him about the sort of person you really are, and advising him to have a proper relationship with someone else, instead of wasting his time with such a devious and untrustworthy person as yourself.

MOTHER LOVE

"I am annoyed that my fiance is so worried about leaving his aged mother behind when we go on honeymoon that he wants her to stay in the same Hotel to keep an eye on her!" - From Nora

Loving Aunt Aggie says - Congratulations on having such a caring and considerate fiance.

However, has he always been a "Mummy's boy" and under his Mother's thumb? Ask yourself how many others there were before you came along. I suspect it wasn't he who proposed marriage either.

Following the honeymoon he probably plans to spring the next surprise that she'll be moving in with you both, or has he already suggested that you go and live with her?

Although its obvious your fiance is a bit of a wimp who has always been frightened of his mother's disapproval, the fact that you have succeeded in winning his affections where others have failed suggests his poor mother has met her match and that your fiance is "pig in the middle".

Have you always been the dominant type or is it just since you met your fiance and now want to take over his life where his mother left off?

I honestly think he has been forced to conspire with dear old mum about the honeymoon arrangement out of sheer desperation in an attempt to be rid of you once and for all.

So why don't you get back to where you belong and leave them both in peace to get on with their lives as they did happily enough together before you came along you interfering old bat.

Have you a problem?
Do you have a wind problem, or three wives, or can't get rid of that boil on your bottom, or something else you're too embarrassed to go to the doctor/psychiatrist about? Your loving Aunt Aggie can help!

Try Aunt Aggie's patented online Personality Test, get hooked up at Aunt Aggie's quick Automatic Matchmaker, get a new hair-style at the Aunt Aggie Hair Salon, or embarras a friend by writing a fake letter on their behalf and email them Aunt Aggie's answer! Also you may be lucky enough to catch Aunt Aggie in the Live Chat!

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